i like parenting books (sort of)

When I started telling close friends I was pregnant – my circle of friends were all thrilled I’d joined the “club,” a secret society where you’re permitted to gush and whine about all things those of us without children don’t understand – from nipple pain, after birth side effects, to sleep deprivation nightmares, once you get pregnant these subjects are no longer off limits.  WELCOME TO THE CLUB.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving having friends without filters who pour out the most intimate of details and learnings on parenting, although it is making me realize how I don’t know anything about what I thought I knew. In an effort to get to know this whole parenting thing I’m stocked up on books. 

One book in particular – BabyWise – has been given to me 6 times.  Yes, six different friends ranging from different socio-economic backgrounds with varying beliefs in God have all recommended this as the GO-TO GUIDE.  I devoured it the moment I got it only to be hit with a backlash of controversy.  My mother quite literally begged me not to follow this book given its controversial status – apparently babies have died from dehydration due to its strict scheduling of feedings causing them to lose their publisher as they are now self-published.  More than that, my mom, who ONCE loved the book tried to do a study on it for new moms at our church back in her fertile years and women told her they would leave the church if she did this study.  Apparently, the book is banned at mega church Grace Chapel for having the same effect.  At dinner one night, one of my husbands friends told me – this is the best parenting book out there, but people will hate you and judge you as a mean parent if you do this.  UM. YIKES.  Needless to say, I’m still a big BabyWise believer – don’t hate.  And once Nick actually reads the book we may follow it “loosely” once we decide it’s time to get regimented for sleep schedules.

Now, my favorite book – Bringing up Bebe.  This author is funny and it reads as more of a cautionary tale than a “how-to,” which makes you trust and like her more.  Pamela Druckerman is a American mother living in France bringing up her children in Paris, French Paradise - the land of free daycares (and preschools), baby foodies, and women who value wearing their skinny jeans three months after their birth.  This was my first “ah-ha” moment for life as we know it.  I think what I’m really looking for in all these books is – How do I still be “ME” and my marriage be “US” after I have this baby?  Basically it addresses my real fears (outside of WILL I EVER SLEEP AGAIN) – Will my husband still think I’m sexy and mysterious?  Am I a bad mom if I want to go back to work?  Will I be lonely spending so much time with this baby I love so much?  Am I going to expect Nick to share 50/50 of this with me as a feminist, or will I just nag him to help me all the time?  The answers are lengthy and psychological in this wonderful memoir/cultural study and I have begged everyone to read it so I can talk about it more, but here’s basically my 3 take-aways:

·      (1)  “Le Pause” – Walter Mischel is a French-born, Stanford educated Psychologist who is most known for devising “the marshmallow test” in the 1960’s where children are tested on their ability to delay themselves from INSTANT GRATIFICATION.  The assumption is this – that children who are taught delayed gratification from infancy (pausing before feeding, picking them up, etc.) actually does make them calmer whereas middle-class American kids, who are in general more used to getting what they want right away, go to pieces under stress.  Basically – try and WAIT to assess your babies needs before instantly trying to “fix” a screaming child.  Sometimes, they’re just shifting sleep patterns, use your intuition rather than a rulebook.

·      (2)  BE GIFTED - “We Americans assign ourselves the job of pushing, stimulating, and carrying our kids from one developmental stage to the next.  The better we are at parenting, we think, the faster our kids will develop.”  I mean of course I want my baby to be gifted and play the violin by age 4, but lets be honest, it probably has little to do with me.  French parents are less motivated by guilt to be a good parent and push and thus as a culture are comfortable putting their children in daycare to socialize their babies (a skill they view as more valuable than giftedness).  It feels like perspective at least to recognize that maybe its not the end of the world if I don’t obsess over getting my kid in drum circles from the moment they’re born.

·      (3)  SEXY BACK - “For American women, the role of mom is very segmented, very absolute, When they wear the mom ‘hat’ they wear the mom clothes.  When they’re sexy, they’re totally sexy.  And the kids can see only the ‘mom’ part.  In France the ‘mom’ and ‘woman’ roles ideally are fused.  At any given time, you can see both.”   I haven’t even decided if and when I will go back to work, but just thinking about it makes me feel SO GUILTY!  I am having this baby so I can love it, so why in the world would I choose to love myself more by going back to work – a career that has taken four years of college, and some painful assistant gigs that were WAY HARDER than pregnancy!!!!  Will I really delight in wearing yoga pants and a baby forever?!  Can I wear both hats?  Apparently, in France, this is somewhat of a non-issue.  Identity’s are “ideally fused,” – how liberating does that sound?!  PERSPECTIVE.  (although I still feel guilty, so give me some time to work this out).

All in all, my reading has me concluding that more than anything – I chose my husband and I want to be an incredible wife because he is so awesome.  I want us to remain so in love post-baby and really that is more important to me than if this baby sleeps through the night.  For that reason, I’m just really on this educational journey to try and rid the control-freak in me that thinks I can makes lists and data that will chart a successful family.  The books guide perspective – but my new prayers are changing my heart to strive for FREEDOM rather than a laundry list of guilt.  I just hope I can get there before the baby comes so I can truly DELIGHT in her and she can bring our family joy rather than self-inflicted guilt and pressure to be a good mom.  FREEDOM CHANT COMMENCE NOW.

IT'S A GIRL!

Yes, yes, I've overshared this video with just about everyone who would watch it and am so over the top happy about this little joy bug growing here I'm almost speechless.  (There's a rare one - Me, without words).  Thankfully, the news that it's a BABY GIRL has flooded me with more things to scream and shriek about!  We sent these out last week, and in hopes that you all caught it despite your torn envelopes, here it is again:

The whole story of us getting pregnant is pretty God sized awesome - it took us seven months of on and off trying - which in my opinion is just enough time for you to get a little nervous about your stress levels and hormonal capabilities enough to really hit your knees and ask God if you're really cut out for this reproductive thing.  In all truth, I savor those journaled prayers now - it makes this gift all the more sweet.  Undeserved grace that I wake up thankful for every morning.  I should seriously name this Baby Girl - Thankful - but it would really get in the way of her temper tantrums I know she will exhibit much like her Mama.

The wild journey of this pregnancy news started in Denver - where I was working week 2 of the Eric and Jessie Game On show on E! meanwhile Nick was back and forth between Seattle and LA courting a tempting job offer.  Life was in flux but it was exciting.  I bought some pregnancy tests and decided I'd take it right away! - 3 days went by as more important matters came up like - WHAT THE HELL SHOULD THE CREW EAT FOR 2ND MEAL AND WHAT COLOR VASES MATCH THIS INTERVIEW SPACE?  Dammit, it still feels important. At 7AM one non-descript morning I called Nick woke him up in between happy choking tears and told him he was going to be a dad.  He cried too, he might deny it.  

We bought some kitchy photo frames for my parents as future grandparents and Nick flew out immediately to tell my parents.  My mom cried and my dad talked to my belly with pride.  It was perfect.  We both had meetings in LA the following week so met there to tell his folks with funny custom fortune cookies.  His mom not just cried - SHE SOBBED WITH JOY.  I will never ever forget those 2 weeks of over the top JOY.

Nick flew home to Seattle.  I flew to Nashville.  We missed each other a lot and tried to talk about all of life and not just the life growing but mostly we just kept saying things like "Can we tell people yet?" and "I hope it...".  Nick shopped for toddler golf clubs.  I lost four pounds from morning sickness.  Life was so good - how could it get better.

SO THANKFUL.  Really like feeling thankful for BABY GIRL!

I like Beach Camping - La Push, Washington

La Push, WA - yes, like the place where steamy Jacob the werewolf runs to rescue Bella's life after she jumps into the icy cold waters below (which come to find out are actually pretty warm and its the air that is so icy).  Personally I'm team Jacob all the way so this scene always seemed right in the world of romance to me.  Obvi, the L-O-V-E between a vampire and human is just way to hard.  #DUH  Hope you Twilight people actually remember this - it's total literary genius.  this is sarcasm.

Regardless of your feelings of Twilight this place is stunningly beautiful.  AND...my tan man is way hotter than that werewolf.  Also, it was Nick and I's first camping trip.  (subtext - super romantic).  Did we beach camp?  Yes.  We started on the beach, bonfired on the beach,...and then when we decided it was too cold  and built a bed in the back of my SUV.  Still counts in my book!  So let me explain La Push.  I hate to compare it but given its smooth beach with jutting rocks you can't help but compare it to it's more infamous PNW beach - Canon Beach, Oregon.  That said, La Push is still owned by Native American's and is extremely un-commercialized.  It feels primitive - untouched.  As if you're the first one to have found it.  Me and Columbus - just finding new places to get our feet wet.  Once you arrive, there is a lot of talk about which beach is the most beautiful.  Almost everyone will tell you SECOND BEACH is the most beautiful.  However, if you want to surf - THIRD BEACH has the best waves.  Yet, FIRST BEACH is where you can park and RV/Car and walk along a mile of beach with kids.  

We scored the lottery as it was super duper warm.  78 degrees warm.  It is pretty breezy at night but the day is spectacular.  It gave us lots of time to climb, hike, get in the water, drink some coronas on a blanket, and think about going for a hike.  

We hiked to another section of the beach that is known as the HOH Rain Forrest.  It's trees are unlike any I'd seen (they're not Redwoods PNW'ers!) they're odd rain forrest looking trees!  One of my fave parts of camping is the s'mores - ahem, I mean the campfire.  We made these awesome Hobo's full of steak, mushrooms, peppers, and fingerling potatoes topped with this incredible marinade.  You throw that into the fire and voila!...dinner.  That, some s'mores and 2 cases of Corona's and you've got yourself a pretty great camp trip. 

Nick had some leftover glowsticks from his party days that made a pretty romantic corona candlelight dinner.  Ambience...haha!  But truthfully, those stars - they were really all we need.  They were absolutely stunning.  I'd forgotten how much I truly enjoy camping.  I'd say we got the bug and are ready for more!  Great time to dream about our adventures ahead...

I like 60 years of Funk Marriage

My grandparents, Arly and Martha Funk, have been married for 60 years.  6-0!  I know that stuff is cray.  Its hard to fathom what that must feel like.  So much life.  This is my grandmother's wedding photo - 

my grandfather picked her out of the church choir because he liked her striking black hair against her perfect skin.  

In celebration the plan was to go on an Alaskan cruise.  But about mid-way through planning this trip, my grandfather decided we're not Alaska people - we just like Vail.  We love that wonderful city - what's the point of messing with a good thing?  I agree Grandpa.  I agree. 

So we all booked our flights from PDX, SEA, LAX and loaded the cars for Vail.  I'm not sure if you've ever crossed Vail pass for the chance to hike up the short walk to Mt. of the Holy Cross but dear Colorado native - I urge you - DO THIS.  Our goof group's attempt at a group picture:

Family get togethers always leave me pillow talking at night.  There's not enough time for me to get all of Nick's thoughts on the day's events.  "Nick - did you notice how my cousin Matthew does not stop moving!  Why don't we have that much energy! Nick - don't you just love how good of a listener my cousin's new husband Kenny is?  Nick - why does this all seem like its moving in slowmo?"

I loved watching Nick bond with my family.  My dad's toast at dinner when he told this crazy story about my grandfather's legendary motorcycle wheelies through the Lakewood neighborhood.  Oh yeah, and my brother has a rat tail these days.  I felt really connected with my cousins in a new way.  The girls are becoming women and we all share that Funk gene that makes us a bit responsible with a side of wanderlust.  My youngest girl cousin Nicole is even thinking about college in the Pacific Northwest - girl after my own heart.  I told her 4E Ashton has a home for her!

My grandmother said something very profound to me that weekend - she was showing us photos of her life spent with my grandfather and sighed saying, 

"Jessica, all that time I was raising those children, I worried so much that they wouldn't turn out to be people who were full of integrity and love for their God - look what a waste of worry that was."  

I hear ya Grandma - what a waste to worry.  You are wise sweet grandmother.  Sure do love that Funky bunch.  BTW...those great kids she raised looked like this in 1992.  HAHA!

I like our honeymoon - St Barths

Getting to St. Barths is no easy feat but celebrities and luxury travelers young and old will all rave, "IT IS WORTH IT!"  We whole heartedly agreed and hopped the jet to Miami then to St. Marteen, and finally onto a twelve-seater hopper plane over to the small Island of St. Barths.  The plane ride is very exciting and adds to the adventure of getting away.  

Upon arrival we were welcomed by the Eden Rock Hotel staff on the sprawling terrace ocean front with views of the luxurious yachts below.  We were led to our Garden Cottage where a welcome bottle of champagne and the YUMMIEST sandwiches ever awaited our parched little bodies.

Ready to jump into the lap of luxury we climbed the stairs to the rock restaurant where we feasted on sushi (our favorite was the crispy rice and tuna).  Jean George's sushi bites are divine when paired with some of their amazing cocktails (their cucumber spritz is beyond imagination). Then it was back to the cottage where our Wedding feet were put to rest and we truly - slept.

I love the first morning of vacation - waking up in paradise you can't help but smile all day.  I think Nick and my jaws hurt from smiling bliss.  We spent the day at the resort where the beach staff helps you pick out your own VIP seats which will be reserved for you for the week.  We took advantage of the complimentary beach toys and kayaked in the afternoon. There was a beautiful jellyfish show out past the rocks!

One of our favorite dinners in St. Barths was at the Hideaway which the locals call Andy's place as the owner Andy, is a wonderful Brittish man who spoils you with good cheap eats.  The truffle pizza is wood fired and tastes like a Parisian delight.  After dinner he brings you vanilla rum that lights up your hearts with warm love.

The concierge helped us set up an adventure to jetski around the entire island.  We loved every second of that thrilling adventure.  The beauty we saw that day will never be forgotten.  You see all of Gustavia, a spectactular view of Colombe beach where you can often see dolphins!  Towards the end you get a real thrill riding through the locals "washing machine," where you will have to master your jetski skills!  Our guides were French X game competitors who could honestly do tricks and flips on the waves.  It was thrilling!

That night we had our favorite car driver - Sebastian take us to the raved of Bagatelle (there is one in Vegas and LA and we'd always heard this one was the best)!  The restaurant is lined with bottles of Crystal, Dom, and every luxury champagne you've ever dreamt of.  The DJ was the best on the island and we ate and partied with the staff.  We stumbled over to the famous Yacht Club to party after but found it better at Bagatelle.  St. Barths undoubtedly has the best DJ's of any honeymoon location.  If you love house music you will love this!

Each night you come home to the best homemade macaroons on our pillows.  My favorite was the vanilla mocha pictured - deeeeee-light!

Spending the days on the beach gulping down bottles of Rose, Lobster Salads, good books and dreams of our future together was the best time of our lives!!

The island recommends you check out the night life - which is one of the main reasons we went!!  Le Ti is frequented by celebrities like Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise, and every model in New York and Miami.  This hot spot has live burlesque shows Friday and Saturday.  They provide costumes and wigs for you and we partied hard here.  They let the French bring their pups to this loud scene - which we loved!  Nick made friends with the bunny.

We ventured past Gustavia one day with our new German friends to hike to Lower Colombier Beach which boasts big waves and possible dolphin sitings - not to mention a great lunch promised after at Isle de France!!!  The hike is S-T-U-N-N-I-N-G!!  We enjoyed the pool after lunch and stayed for sunset.

Our last night we became extremely sentimental about the amazing vacation we were given.  We thanked all there, wrote our names in the sand, and had a romantic "last meal."  We told the staff we wanted Jean George's Ginger Rice to be featured on "THE BEST THING I EVER ATE" on the food network to which they laughed at our American over the top TV.  We loved the lamb and lobster - salivating just looking at it again.  

Back on our flight to Winair we left with full hearts.  Thank you St. Barths and Honeymoon Islands for helping us have the best Honeymoon EVER!!!

PS...I should mention our favorite French Goods!  #1: We adore this romantic and skin quenching oil - it can be bought on the island and is divine.  It will forever smell like St. Barths to me!  Belous P Colombe  #2:  Yacht Wear!  We thought we were most likely to wear these St. Barth's cute sweatshirts and apparel once home in Seattle.  FREE St Barths.

28 good years to like

My grandmother gave me a memory book for my 28th Birthday on 6/11/12.  This is the year I will marry, move from a city I love, change careers, and ultimately "grow up."  Perusing the pages of the memory book I'm overwhelmed by how much euphoria I expressed as a child.  Where did all that go?  I say the phrase "obsessed!" and "i die!" with such regularity you would think that this emotive positivity would just be flowing out of me - but honestly, its a little forced and maybe too Kardashian inspired. 

Speaking of those Kardashians - I'm more than fed up with a culture obsessed with promoting themselves - their brand - their ego.  The regard for selflessness and admiration of ones heros (rather than oneself) is really lacking.  In this blog I intend to focus on "liking" those everyday heros and things that make you want to genuinely jump up in support, passion, and like it!  No more pintrest tagging and facebook tagging will suffice - look out world - I'm really gonna like ya!